An End to the Summer

I have not blogged in many days because I had nothing to say (I was also finishing a novella). My grand project to lose weight this summer and to blog each day has dwindled to an end. For my loyal readers, I owe you one final blog trying to explain what has happened.

When I began my project, things went well for the first few weeks but then things began to derail. I could not make the appropriate choices I needed to and I was at a loss for how to right things. Finally, just a few days before my Minneapolis trip, I just gave up. I felt as if I just could not fight the cravings and bouts of binge eating. I ate appropriately in Minneapolis but that was all.  

So what went wrong? Well, I’ve realized that I haven’t been in the right “mode” to focus on eating right and doing what I needed to do. I started out okay but then my depressive and anxiety symptoms began increasing and I realized I was in the mode I needed to be in to deal with those symptoms. That mode is survival mode. It ultimately comes down to just trying to make it one day to the next and the choices I needed to make were to just get me through each day. I could not focus on the extra energy it needed to make good food choices and be active.

In reflection, despite my hopes and initial excitement, it just wasn’t going to be the summer of success. It’s been hard to accept that but I have to due to survival mode. I need to stop blaming myself and realize what I ended up doing was surviving the summer. That’s what is important to note.

My failure at weight loss has added to my depression and has assisted in a sadness settling in (other things have added to that sadness also). This sadness will be the focus of the next few therapy sessions.

I apologizing for being silent so long but I needed to wait until I was ready to write this final blog. I would also like to apologize if I have disappointed anyone for failing at my weight loss. I do think, however, I was successful in one thing and that is through my writing demonstrating just exactly how difficult it is to lose weight. As much as some thin people think, it’s not a matter of eating less and moving more. The deepness the emotions and feelings go is nearly indescribable and is just as important as food and exercise.

I hope everyone has had a good summer and I want to thank everyone who took the time to read my blog and leave me constructive comments. That has meant a great deal to me. Teachers report back to school two weeks from tomorrow and I’m looking forward to having a daily structure back. I know that helps me and maybe good choices will come out of that structure. I can’t see the future so I can’t say if it’ll happen for sure. I’m in survival mode and that comes first.  

Dana