Operation Disney Day 2 - aka Pity Party Day

I woke up in the same down mood as late yesterday, even lower sadly. So that meant I spent the morning crying. One of my depression issues I have is thinking no one would care if I was no longer around. (Put your phones down. I’m not going to harm myself.) I know a lot of it has to do with the fact that I go months without hearing a word from my brother. It also bothers me a lot when I’m ignored on social media (basically Twitter not so much on Facebook). It’s the nature of the beast and I don’t know why it bothers me so but it does.

It also doesn’t help that there was a Daughtry show Sunday night in Pennsylvania and lots of my twitter peeps are talking about it and posting pics. They’re not coming anywhere near here this summer and I miss seeing them.

Anyway, today I’ve done very little other than fixing one of my patio door blinds. Go me. And I showered. And yup. That was probably a little too much information there.

My joints are really hurting today. I’ve been trying Osteo-Byflex but it doesn’t seem to be doing much. (Are you sure it works for you, Bob?) I know my hips, knees, and feet hurt from walking yesterday and I can’t wait for my new shoes to come to see if that helps.

I didn’t do any Disney work or writing (other than this blog). It’s pretty much been Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. for most of the day. I’ve been okay with food. It’s Tuesday so the only thing I’ve eaten is tacos for lunch. I’m burping them up now so I have no appetite for dinner.

I’m hoping tomorrow is a better day. I didn’t sleep very well last night. I think it was because of the broken blind which was letting in too much light into the living room (I’m weird and sleep on my couch because I love my couch). Since I fixed it, maybe tonight will be a better sleep experience. 

Dana

Operation Disney Day 1

            Day 1 of Operation Disney is nearly over and it’s been up and down, not what I was really expecting but that’s the way things go sometimes. It was a productive day as I planned another Disneyworld day, worked on some edits for Deceptions, took five five-minute walks (rather boring in an apartment, I must say), did laundry, watched a couple episodes of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and took a nap. All of that was pretty up although I had hoped to walk more. I did what I could considering my hips and feet hurt. I realized that I’d been wearing the same pair of athletic shoes for over a year so I decided I needed new shoes so that happened today also.

            It was a struggle with food today. I feel like if I could keep myself busy I wouldn’t think about food so much. I did a lot today but still had the food thoughts. I had some twisty cheese sticks and beef summer sausage for lunch and then came the struggle at dinner. I ended up with vegetable pizza (with a flatbread crust to save carbs) for dinner. Not the best but it was what I was craving.

            I woke up from my nap in a down mood. I think it’s just my depression; I have those moments a few times a week. Sometimes I can’t pinpoint exactly why my mood is down. It just is. It also didn’t help that the 2^nd episode of The Big Bang Theory was the one where Howard’s mother dies. That episode always makes me cry.

            So that was day 1.

Dana

"Well, good night!"

It’s been an okay eating week. Not great but certainly not like it has been. I’ve been working on portion control and have done okay. One thing I realized is that I have to keep my Disneyworld trip at the forefront of my thoughts. It’s almost as if I have to ask myself “Will this decision help me prepare for Disney or hinder me?” Beth (my therapist) thinks this is a good idea too. It also helps with motivation. I also have begun wearing my Mickey Mouse ring again as a reminder (see picture below). I know I have the FitBit that could work as a reminder but it doesn’t scream Disneyworld as much as Mickey.

There’s only one week left of school (thank goodness) and Beth agreed with me when I said I need to have a schedule set for my summer days. The goal is to NOT gain weight this summer (preferably to lose weight) so I will be setting the silent alarm on my FitBit to go off hourly to remind myself to get up and move. I’ll probably just start with short trips around my apartment (followed by Joey the cat who acts like a dog sometimes) but I really need to move outdoors for the Vitamin D which I lack (thus one of the reasons why I broke both my feet). I take a supplement but sun would be helpful.

It won’t be a do nothing summer. I am taking my first grad class towards my ESL endorsement and they’ll be stuff to do in preparation for my book being released on July 21^st. I also want to finish my superhero book too. The goal is to use my desk for all that and not just park it on the couch (which is very tempting because I love my couch). And also not to get sucked into Netflix (except for the new season of Orange is the New Black but I should be able to knock that out in a day or two). I was going to say I wouldn’t be doing any Netflix and chilling but I learned a couple weeks ago what Netflix and chill really means. As my grandmother would have exclaimed - "Well, good night!" 

I also need to do something Disney-ish every day. Part of it is for motivation but the other part has to do with desensitizing myself in time for my trip so I don’t end up a sobbing mess on Main Street in the Magic Kingdom. Like I said in my last blog (I think I said this), I did a lot of crying last weekend as I began to make my plans and still have moments of being on the edge of a complete breakdown as I think of the trip. I have a lot of memories when it comes to Disneyworld; it’s a special place for me. I’m sure there will be moments where I’ll mist up but the goal is not to become the sobbing mess. So each day I need to do something in preparation for the trip. I’ve already planned my meals but I can always change those. I can plan what I’m going to do in each park. I can read up on reviews, stuff like that. One would think so much wouldn’t be needed for the trip but this trip will mean a lot to me. I really do have a lot riding on this.

I feel that at my age, this is probably the last chance I have to lose a chunk of weight. If I fail this task, it’s like this is just the way my body is going to be and life becomes one of managing the side effects of the weight and it is what it is. Does that make sense? I’ll be 45 in October and am in the downward slide of my life. Time is running out and this trip may be my last chance to go but I have to be in better health for it.

Dana