The Challenge

I’ve decided I need motivation in my endless quest to lose weight. Getting off some of my medications isn’t much of a motivation or being more attractive or not being so out of breath so I’ve had to think of something else. I’ve been thinking lately how long it’s been since my last trip to Disneyworld – 17 years – and realized that it’s the longest I’ve gone in between visits. My first visit was when I was still in utero when my parents happen to run across the theme park on a Florida visit. I believe my profile picture is from the summer of 1974 and trips followed in 1984, 1990, 1996 and 1999. Animal Kingdom was just opening up during the last trip.

It’s actually bittersweet to think about going to Disneyworld again. When my mom died in 2010, we were sitting around the dinner table that night and I brought up the idea that me and my brother and his family should plan a trip to Disneyworld and then somehow figure out a way to sprinkle some of Mom’s ashes there. Believe it or not, and I still sometimes can’t believe this happened, my brother took my idea and they went without me. I wasn’t there when some of my Mom was left in a place that had brought us so much happiness. I was immensely hurt by this and I don’t believe I’ll ever be able to forgive my brother for doing that. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry.

I cried a lot this weekend as I made the decision to plan a trip to Disneyworld on my own. Each time I broke down, my Joey cat would come and paw at me and then climb into my arms to comfort me. (I also start to cry when I think of Joey dying. I’m such a mess lately.) Anyway, I’ve decided to go the first full week of June next year, leaving on the Saturday and returning the following Sunday. It’s a pricey trip so saving the money will be a challenge also but staying on property just makes it more magical (and easier). We stayed on property in 1996 and 1999. The resort was called Dixie Landings but they’ve changed the name of it since but it’s where I want to stay because it’s in my price range and I like the atmosphere.

It will also be a challenge because I’ll be on my own, always a challenge thanks to my social anxiety. But I want to be able to go at my own pace and discover parts of the various parks I’ve never seen. I’m actually less worried about my anxiety (save for the airplane ride) and more worried about being able to lose enough weight so that I’m not impeded on the trip or drop of a heart attack in the middle of the Magic Kingdom. Financially, Disney actually runs a savings account you can use to save money for the trip so I’m going to use that for my hotel reservations and park tickets and then I plan to open a savings account at my bank to save for food, souvenirs, and airfare. I’m not very good at saving but with the Disney account the money is taken automatically and I’ll transfer the money myself for the other account.

But, of course, what I’m really worried about is losing the weight. I really, really, really, REALLY want to go to Disneyworld because I love Disneyworld. If I had all the money in the world, I would live in Cinderella’s castle. I seriously think when my parents were there in 1971 (and technically I was there too), the magic just entered me and I’ve been a fan since. I even have a pin on my work lanyard (see below). I think the same can be said about peanut buster parfaits from Dairy Queen. They were invented in 1971 also. LOL

Anyway, trying to lose weight. I’ve got a plan in my head and I’ve eaten pristinely today (yes, I know, we haven’t even gotten to lunch yet but still) and I really hope that having this trip on the horizon will really help me. Plus all the cognitive therapy I’m getting with my therapist will help also. It’s a lot of self-talk and self-questioning and all those other therapy terms. This is really going to be quite the challenge for me but I’ll be 45 years old in October and really, I’m tired of this morbid obesity.

Will I be taking some of my Mom’s ashes with me? (We still have not buried her after six years. She sits on a shelf in my closet.) No, I will not. That moment was taken from me; it’s lost its specialness. Will I eat a Casey’s Corner hot dog in her memory? You bet!

Disney Dana