Day 18 - Numbers

The day started at 4AM by waking up with cramps (sorry guys). I’ve never been woken up by cramps and I was the total picture of a wimp as I moaned and whimpered waiting for the Advil to kick in. (I’m normally not such a wimp – I’ve been through cancer, after all – but I was because I wasn’t expecting them at that time.) Didn’t help that Joey the Cat was sitting on me and kept poking me in my ear and eye.

After that lovely wake up call, I was craving something greasy and the sausage biscuit from McDonald’s tasted so good. It hit the spot and I think I needed something solid because yesterday my eating was not good. I had just a mocha latte for breakfast and then had a terrible bean dip incident. I felt so bad after that so the only thing I ate the rest of the day was a stick of cheese and sausage. I didn’t eat enough yesterday and I needed sustenance when I woke up.

But back to today. So I had the biscuit for breakfast and because I was so tired from getting up so early and I needed to be somewhat with it for therapy, I swung through the new Starbucks and ordered a mocha (but no whipped cream). It was good but at $4.76 a cup (and a chunk of calories) it won’t be happening often.

Therapy was great and I started to think about my numbers (weight, blood sugars, measurements) and I realized that I am more than just a number. This journey really is not about hitting specific numbers like weight goals; it’s about changing my eating and exercise habits. (My blood sugars are important but the other two less so.) It’s about being healthy. If I hit my ultimate goal of 208 pounds, what’s going to happen? Am I going to stop eating healthy? Am I going to stop moving? No, this journey is more than hitting a specific goal. It’s about choosing better foods and watching my portions. It’s about getting up off my ass and moving around more than just to go to the bathroom.

It’s about getting healthy.

I’m making these changes not just for the summer but for my life, however many years I have left. If weight loss occurs great (and it should) but I shouldn’t obsess over hitting specific goals because if I miss a goal, I’m the type of person that reacts badly. I say screw it and order a pizza! A big one! I know in my first blog I had put goals and I’m not throwing them away but I’m not focusing on them as intensely as I have been. I’ve been stressing myself over my numbers and not seeing bigger results. I’ve been afraid of letting my readers down if I don’t hit 354 by the time school starts or worrying about what you think when I flub up. I’m going to have moments where I make a bad choice and just as I’ve been doing, I’ll ‘fess up to them. My outlook is basically just changing from number specific to an overall outlook.

So that being said, I will be switching to weighing only once a week (Mondays) and I’m dropping my measurements (I can tell by how my clothes fit if I’m losing inches). But, because of my OCD, I’ll be finishing this week up with sharing weights every day. LOL I’ll still share my weight once a week and I’ll share my blood sugars daily as those will show if my eating is good for my diabetes. Everyone feel me? And I will still be blogging every day because this really helps me. :)

So after therapy, I had errands to run and stopped at Subway for lunch because I’ve been craving bread. I was good, however, and chose a veggie delight (basically salad on bread). For a snack this afternoon, I had a stick of cheese and sausage and for dinner I’m going to have a Lean Cuisine. I did not do any purposeful exercise today, however. I needed to spend the afternoon sending out query letters as I’ve been lax on doing that. Wish me luck that a literary agent wants me!

Overall, today was a GOOD DAY!

Dana :)

Numbers

Weight: 399.2 (down .2, down 3.4 total since starting)

Out of Bed Blood Sugar: 117 (good)

Before Lunch Blood Sugar: 133 (good)

Before Dinner Blood Sugar: 105 (good)